August 5, 2009
It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an angel gets set on fire.
Showing posts with label Randumb Thought. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Randumb Thought. Show all posts
Randumb Thought
July 15, 2009
Whenever I need to "get away,'' I just get away in my mind. I go to my imaginary spot, where the beach is perfect and the water is perfect and the weather is perfect. The only bad thing there are the flies. They're terrible!
Whenever I need to "get away,'' I just get away in my mind. I go to my imaginary spot, where the beach is perfect and the water is perfect and the weather is perfect. The only bad thing there are the flies. They're terrible!
Randumb Thought
July 9, 2009
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.
Randumb Thought
July 6, 2009
If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
Randumb Thought
July 1, 2009
If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat).
If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat).
Randumb Thought
June 25, 2009
If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart aleck cowboy said something like Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice. Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice.
If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart aleck cowboy said something like Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice. Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice.
Randumb Thought
June 24, 2009
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
Randumb Thought
June 18, 2009
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me? or Do you have that $50 you borrowed? Man, quit being so cheap!
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me? or Do you have that $50 you borrowed? Man, quit being so cheap!
Randumb Thought
June 15, 2009
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks
Randumb Thought
June 9, 2009
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams
would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams
would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.
Randumb Thought
June 4, 2009
To me, Judo is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers knock each other down.
To me, Judo is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers knock each other down.
Randumb Thought
June 2, 2009
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.
Randumb Thought
May 27, 2009
A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that you got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that you got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
Randumb Thought
May 21, 2009
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?
Randumb Thought
May 19, 2009
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
Randumb Thought
May 8, 2009
It has become apparent to me through recent media coverage that we’re not supposed to call it the swine flu anymore, but H1N1. I’m sorry for offending.
I do, however, have a few questions:
Why is “swine flu” not used anymore?
- Are swine offended by the term?
- Is the swine industry (for lack of a better term) offended by the usage and association with swine?
- Is it an attempt to make the virus kosher?
- Or is it something else?